The hubby and I were off because of the holiday today which was a nice break after the first full week of work. Man, five days of work sucks. We have spent the day running errands and cleaning up around the house, because sometimes being a grown up is boring and stupid. Let’s be honest, we all agree. Had I known what I was in for as kid I probably wouldn’t have been in such a hurry to go grow up, but I guess that is just how it goes. I am not a messy person. However, I do tend to have multiple piles of what to the outside observer may seem like a mess, but to me is perfectly organized system. Because of this fact, when I began to do laundry even though I still had a good weeks worth of clean clothes my all-knowing hubby knew something was up.
Turns out I have a bit of a habit of avoiding something by cleaning, the cleaner the house the higher my level of anxiety. What could be making me anxious? All in all, I am a very happy person and feel very lucky for many reasons. To me, I just felt like reorganizing my underwear drawer so that it followed the law of ROY-G-BIV, to him it was clear what I was doing.
Me: Tell me oh wise one, what am I doing?
All-Kowing-Hubby (AKH): You’re avoiding writing your chapter for you meetup group.
Me: Pfft! Why would I do that? I love writing. (At this point I was completely avoiding his eye contact and was feverishly picking at stain on the oven.)
AKH: Because it is very important to you and you don’t want to fail.
Well shit. I hate when he is right. One thing I have noticed in the two weeks of the New Year is how easy it has been to motivate myself to get active despite my knee pain, while getting myself to write has been extraordinarily difficult. I have been pretty good about this blog but as far as my novel goes I have failed miserably. Now I have signed up for this meetup group thing for Thursday and it is this big looming deadline that I am avoiding like a dentist appointment. It makes no sense because I love to write. I love to fantasize about my stories and have conversations with my characters. I love to imagine being an author and traveling for book signings. I think about it all the time and I have for years, but when it comes to making it a reality I freeze up.
I am terrified of failing, which is exactly how I know this is so important to me. Everything else in my life; work, school, etc., I have gone after what I wanted and got it. So why am I letting this be any different? Even now this is one of my longest entries because I know when I am done I have to work on my novel and my stomach starts twisting like I just chugged eggnog after a four mile jog. (Which, I highly do not recommend – see Egg Nog Jog post.)
Every book I have ever read or author I have ever talked to has said the most important key to becoming a writer is to write! D’uh! So simple yet so hard.
So what am I going to do?
I am going to write one chapter like the meetup group is requesting and I am going to bring it to the meetup and they are going to read it and they are going to tell me where I need work, WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEED/WANT! There is no option. I will just freaking do it. Just like running; putting on your shoes and getting out the door is more than half the battle. For me just putting my words down on paper is the same.
So here I go! No more cleaning, no more shopping, no more trying to teach the girls how to hop around on their backs paws because they look like cute little circus dogs. JUST WRITING!
Quote for the day: “If it is important to you, you’ll find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse.” <--- fitting for both running and writing…and anything!
P.S. the picture below is of me trying to get the girls to hop around on their back paws like circus pups. Tell me it is not adorable? You can not. The one doing a fabulous job is the Honey Badger (aka Sonya) and the blurry black streak is Selene….she doesn’t waste her time with such antics.